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FTN reviews Battleship

April 12th, 2012 by Paddy Comments

Battleship (12a)
Directed by: Peter Berg
Starring: Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker and Liam Neeson
Running time: 131mins

A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.

IT’S been a disappointing start to the blockbuster season this year. John Carter, while not necessarily a bad film, underperformed and Wrath Of The Titans was somehow even more wretched than the first.
It’s fair to say that expectations are not exactly high for Battleship, a blockbuster based on a board game was never going to set the bar highly, but even that doesn’t excuse what we’re presented with here.
Playing like Battle: Los Angeles mixed with Transformers at sea, there’s nothing in here this is anything but a complete cliche.
The story, if you could call it that, centres on an alien fleet that intercepts a satellite message from Earth and decides to come here and throw their weight about.
They obviously didn’t count on the sheer bravery and slow motion heroics of the brave boys and girls of the US Navy.
Anyone who has ever had a thought in their head will see through this mess of a film that feels like it has been made by committee.
While it’s never as bad as Michael Bay’s appalling Transformers films, it runs it fairly close at times.
If there is any enjoyment to be had it’s in the action scenes that are admittedly impressive.
Unfortunately they aren’t enough when you’re presented with one dimensional characters and a storyline that feels like it’s been written on the back of a beermat.
The cast are all perfunctory to say the least, with Liam Neeson continuing his run of dire movies that began with Taken and continued with low brow fare like The A-Team and Unknown.
Battleship fails to hit the target and sadly sinks without trace.

1.5 out of 5 Nerds
Paddy Ryan

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Paddy Ryan, like Buck Rogers, is a man out of time. He's a loose cannon haunted by his past who, when he's not making painful attempts at humour, is busy watching as many geeky films and TV shows as possible. An avid reader, he has vowed one day to start that novel he's been talking about for years. Born in the late 70s, he's an 80s kid at heart who sees nothing wrong with spending hours upon hours watching season three of Robin Of Sherwood. Jason Connery wasn't that bad you know! He's got a million ideas for comic books but thankfully doesn't know anyone with the time to draw them and call his bluff on that one! The Empire Strikes Back is his favourite film, Doctor Who is his TV show of choice and when it comes to books ... well that's a whole other story! I'm Paddy Ryan and you're not...