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FTN Reviews Haywire

January 28th, 2012 by Marc Comments

Haywire (15)
Directed by: Steven Soderbergh
Starring: Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor and Michael Fassbender
Running time: 93mins

Don’t you hate it when the previews are better than the movie? I’m afraid that with Haywire the movie’s trailer has written a check the movie simply didn’t or couldn’t cash. I know that might sound a little harsh, and maybe I went in with the wrong expectations, but I was very disappointed with the movie in general.

Let me begin by saying I was excited about this film after seeing the trailer. I was expecting an action film with the added bonus of a female action hero that not only kicks ass on the screen, but can do it in real life too! Gina Carano, who plays ex-marine Mallory Kane, was a MMA champion who started her fighting career in the sport of Muay Thai. I figured her action scenes would be top notch and without a stunt double. To be fair this was one of the few things that I enjoyed about the film. The fight scenes were realistic and well-choreographed, but there weren’t many of them and that was pretty much it for the action part of the movie. The movie is more about the betrayal of Mallory Kane by her boss and how she uncovers the plot rather than the action. To be honest the plot of the movie isn’t even about her, really she is just a pawn in someone else’s game and becomes a lose end that needs tying up.

I was also thrilled with the stellar lineup of Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton, Ewan McGregor and Antonio Banderas. They were cast right for their parts, but Douglas and Banderas didn’t get much screen time, which is a freaking shame ’cause Banderas makes for a great movie going experience! Bill Paxton plays Mallory’s father, but his role really wasn’t that pertinent to the plot. He helps hide Mallory from the bad guys but little else so I felt much of the character’s potential was wasted. Ewan plays a great asshole by the way.

My basic problem with the movie was the weak plot which lacked the driving emotional conflict you get with most action/spy movies. I didn’t feel invested in any of the characters, except one who had a small role and gave us our one look into Mallory’s feelings about the lifestyle she has chosen. There were no real surprises or twists. Telling the story in a series of fragmented flashbacks ultimately left me more confused about who was doing what and why.

And let’s not even get me started on the music during the action scenes…and I am quoting my husband on this one “it sounds like it comes from a 1975 Shaft movie”. (Kalpar: Shaft is one bad motherfu- Kalpar: I’m just talking about the Shaft.) One last comment, I have no problem with a close up of someone running to catch the bad guy, but if I start to think about what I need to get at the grocery store, then it is too long.

I felt like I wasted my money on this one and I wouldn’t even want to spend $1 for the rental. If you are wondering if you will feel the same way I did, take into consideration I spent most the movie wishing I was next door in the IMAX Theater watching Underworld in 3-D. Our theater was vibrating from that one and you better believe I will be there this coming weekend!

2 out of 5 Nerd
Sharon Stogner
Check out Sharon and the I Smell Sheep girls’ other work here


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Marc is a self-confessed nerd. Ever since seeing Star Wars for the first time around 1979 he’s been an unapologetic fan of the Wars and still believes, with Clone Wars and now Underworld, we are yet to see the best Star Wars. He’s a dad of two who now doesn’t have the time (or money) to collect the amount of toys, comics, movies and books he once did, much to the relief of his long-suffering wife. In the real world he’s a graphic designer. He started Following the Nerd because he was tired of searching a million sites every day for all the best news that he loves and decided to create one place where you can go to get the whole lot. Secretly he longs to be sitting in the cockpit of his YT-1300 Corellian Transport ship with his co-pilot Chewie, roaming the universe, waiting for his next big adventure, but feels just at home watching cartoons with his kids….