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FTN reviews Piranha 3DD (3D)

May 12th, 2012 by Marc Comments

Piranha 3DD (18)
Director: John Gulager
Starring: Danielle Panabaker, Chris Zylka, Jean-Luc Bilodeau, David Hasselhoff
Running time: 83mins

After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.

3D films have never impressed me, you see when you go to see a film you want to be able to sit back and enjoy the experience not have to put a pair of glasses on that turns the picture on the screen into a dull mess, however there have been a few films that I have seen that didn’t make me hate the 3D and one of them being the original Piranha film, yes nothing was added to the film to make it special, however very little was taken away, so with fingers crossed I was hoping that the sequel would stick with how the original was and hopefully I would leave with that big grin on my face after coming out of the first 3D Piranha film.
The film begins by telling us what happened in the first movie: prehistoric piranha’s caused a lot of mayhem and deaths at lake Victoria, which in turn killed the thriving party town, fast forward a year after the incident and we see two farmers heading into a lake to fish out one of their cows which has been found dead, this is our introduction to the piranhas again as the cow holds hundreds of eggs and when they hatch they kill both farmers.
The film then fast forwards to a water park called the big wet, run by Chet (David Koechner) and his step daughter Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), they are preparing the for a big grand opening, however Chet has decided to change the water park into the ultimate adult get-together with strippers instead of life guards. Yes, it’s that kind of movie. Again.
Throw in some madness including a video by Christopher Lloyd (remember him in the first one?) warning that the piranhas are dangerous and David Hasselhoff as a life guard (see what they did there?) and you are firmly in schlock horror territory.
The thing you need to know about Piranha 3DD is that at first it starts out as a horror with hints of humour here and there; a bit like the first one, however over time it completely looses the plot and goes extremely insane with gags that it didn’t need and some of the worst acting you have ever seen – all part of the package in this genre, however when somebody is having sex with a water pipe to set up an obvious gag, you know something is wrong with the film.
During the movie there are hints of goodness: one scene for instance which will make any man wince that involves sex, a baby piranha and a sore piece of manhood is really good as it has gone to the extreme we are hoping for. Christopher Lloyd also has a stand-out scene, but sadly there are too few and far between..
Now, what about the 3D? Well, it’s handled OK here; it certainly doesn’t take anything away from the film nor does it add anything.
Overall though Piranha 3DD is a mess of a film. Somewhere in here is a (in)decent, fun bt for the most part the director just looses the plot. If you are familiar with any of John Gulager’s work (Feast) they you will probably know what to expect, however if you go into the film expecting something like Piranha 3D then you are just going to walk out and want your money back.
Oh and stay until the end credits as not only are you treated to the usual out-takes but you also have another Baywatch parody that features the hoff in probably the funniest gag of the whole movie.

Stuart Miller
2 out of 5 Nerds

Check out Stuart’s fantastic website and podcast The Monday Movie Show every Wednesday at Following the Nerd and at their own site here

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Marc is a self-confessed nerd. Ever since seeing Star Wars for the first time around 1979 he’s been an unapologetic fan of the Wars and still believes, with Clone Wars and now Underworld, we are yet to see the best Star Wars. He’s a dad of two who now doesn’t have the time (or money) to collect the amount of toys, comics, movies and books he once did, much to the relief of his long-suffering wife. In the real world he’s a graphic designer. He started Following the Nerd because he was tired of searching a million sites every day for all the best news that he loves and decided to create one place where you can go to get the whole lot. Secretly he longs to be sitting in the cockpit of his YT-1300 Corellian Transport ship with his co-pilot Chewie, roaming the universe, waiting for his next big adventure, but feels just at home watching cartoons with his kids….