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DC vs Marvel five-a-side

July 17th, 2014 by Ciaran McNulty Comments

It’s the ultimate showdown… Marvel V DC in, em, five-a-side football.

WE want to know what you think of our teams, what should we change and what direction would you have went.


Hal Jordan
Whilst the opposition might complain about the legalties of constantly covering the goal with a green power construct, it’s important to remember that the ring is powered by Hal’s will power which would mean match-fixing goalies can be easily spotted by any gap in the construct.

As usual, when all the super powered blow-hards further up-field have failed to stop an alien menace or engorged star fish thing, it’s left to non-super powered Batsy to take up the rear guard. This is because a) he’s immensely intelligent and has trained his body to the peak of physical condition and b) the writers think he’s cool so it always seems to come down to him.

Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman is in the starting line-up on pure merit. This is nothing to do with publicity-seeking equal oppetunity team selection. And frankly, we’re offended at the insuation.

Ah, did ya think he’d be up front? Nope. We need the Man of Steel in a marshalling role in midfield. Think Roy Keane or Mikel Arteta but with the ability to turn coal into diamonds.

Green Arrow
That’s right. The ultimate target man. He never misses and his left wing populism will make him a well-liked talismanic striker for the working class fans. He’ll also be one of the most easy to pay strikers in world football as he’s already mega rich so shouldn’t ask for much.

The Question
His objectified machiavellian mechanations will see him keep a cool head whilst underhandedly plotting the downfall of his enemies. The players won’t give him any guff coz, how could you when ya got that weird no-face to talk to?

SUBS: The Flash (To be a consistent super sub around the 70 minute mark. Need fresh legs? They don’t come any fresher.) Martian Manhunter (Midfield sub in case the opposition have made the trip to the meteor museum)


With a sonic blast, most shots can be deflected but also, there’s no danger of the outfield players not hearing him bark instructions at them from the goal line (Also, Irish keepers tend to be pretty good).

A likable, friendly neighbourhood workman defender, of the mould of Leighton Baines. Preferrably go for the Raimi version as his webbing for snatching the ball out of the air can be replenished with half time oranges, rather than having to rely on web cartridges which, let’s face it, he might not get away with as jewelry isn’t allowed on the pitch. Wait, wouldn’t that affect Green Lantern too? Ah. Screw it. Who cares. Give him his cartridges.

Captain America(Captain)
A team leader with the perfect defensive ability. He’s got a great, big shield. Also, we’re gonna assume the wingy bits on his mask help him move faster.

And he’s team captain, just…coz.


Coz hopefully, we can get our team sheet released first and make it look like this archer thing was our idea.

Professor X
Unable to take the field of play on account of lack of functioning legs, Xavier’s a genial fatherly type whose tactical decisions can be telepathically relayed to his players. Though the match officals, from neutral companies like Dark Horse and 2000 AD, will have to make sure Judge Anderson monitors Xavier constantly to ensure he’s not in the DC team’s heads.

SUBS: Human Torch (in case the opposition bring on Martian Manhunter) Iron Man (If Spidey gets injured, ya need someone else popular on the pitch)

So… the whistle has blown, but who wins? Let us know your thoughts and predictions @NerdFollowing or on Facebook 

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Ciaran is a stand-up comedian, improviser and occasional actor. Growing up in a household where he enjoyed westerns and kung-fu flicks alike, due to the influences of various family members, he quickly came to fall in love with science fiction before (not so quickly) developing a taste for horror too. Since then, he’s eagerly enjoyed almost anything with a spaceship or gothic castle in it (even when it’s sometimes embarrassing to admit as much). Later, he found he rather liked talking about these weird obsessions… public.

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