THE FTN BLOG (13/05/13)

I need a pay rise.

In fact, I need paid for all this nerdiness. What thanks do I get? Nothing. Actually I was thinking of changing my name to carpet and letting them walk all over me for a reason! I swear to god, these working conditions at the Nerd are shocking. Not as much as thank you or a cup of tea, well that’s not true, they did tell me it was tea but I used it to varnish my cupboard door. I mean it, not even a Jammie Dodger or a hug or you’re a good guy Quinn, keep writing. Might as well change my name to Pariah and wear a hooded cloak. Actually, I always wanted a hooded cloak, hooded cloaks would be cool. But I digress. Why haven’t I complained before I hear you ask? Because I never had a symbol to show me the way before; a light to guide me to riches never before dreamed. And all it took was a man in an iron mask.

Well, technically it was the rumours surrounding Robert Downey Junior and the Avengers cast on the touchy subject of wages for another outing in Avengers 2. Downey got 50 million for Iron Man and the other Avengers team are looking a rise in wages before they put on their assorted stars and stripes, red cloak or tight cat suit. Actually, I always wanted a tight cat suit too. Abs master here I come. They’re ready to rumble with the studios before they reassemble and Thor himself is reputedly not happy. And a word of advice to the bosses; that man can do some damage with his hammer if you’re not careful.

It seems money makes even the Marvel Universe go round and with the directors etc openly saying anyone can be replaced, it seems to be a pissing contest where he says, she says. But while I applaud these guys for standing up and doing a real life Avengers Assemble, I can see it being a double edged sword. Do they deserve $50 million for a bringing us pleasure for two hours? No, they don’t. Are they right in trying to make hay while the sun shines? Yes they are. But will it damage the franchise because they want more dosh to spend on…whatever? But they have to realize they are not all Robert Downey Jnrs. It’s inconceivable to think of anyone else in the suit of iron. But then again, it wasn’t long ago it would have been considered sacrilege to cast anyone else but Shatner in the role of Kirk. And Shatner is no stranger to wage negotiations.

Some people out of a job, at least for the moment, are the director and crew of Jurassic Park 4 which has gone the way of the dinosaur for no apparent reason. Did money play a part? Probably.

Money also features in the Doctor Who 50th anniversary special when we learned that John Hurt is apparently playing the Doctor……What? You do know makers of special, that there are still a few Doctors alive and well running about out there that would gladly return for a wage packet. Rumour is, he’s an alternate ninth version and yes we know Eccleston refused to come back… but still. If you were going to pay someone else to be a Doctor, I’m free. I always wanted to be a Time Lord. Is monetary going to affect everything these days? Yes it is. I think DVDs should come with a refund policy too. I bought the Bigfoot Tapes this week and with a Bigfoot movie, you’d expect some Bigfoot but was there? Was there my ass. But to keep this cheap piece spoiler free, I’ll just recommend, don’t buy it folks; you will cry. I cried. I cried at the thought of the £7.99 I will never see again. I cried that those pennies might go to some big wad rubbing his hands together thinking to himself, another sucker bought it.

And that brings me back to my wages. I vow here and now, shield in one hand, hammer in the other, in my best pair of grubby ripped tights and Iron Man Halloween mask that I will fight for justice, honesty and the way of the warrior. Just sort of need a few pounds first so til next time, watch those pennies and wait for the day where we will rise up and get the wages we deserve without having to put on a long blond wig and red cape. For Nerds everywhere I will be the symbol of paid work and high wages that match our passion and integrity for lining the pockets of the big wigs while we scrape down the back of the sofa for money for a power card. Watch this space since pennies will soon come from heaven. Now excuse me, I’m off to threaten the boss with my big hammer.